Once upon a time, I was obsessed with weight. The daughter of the skinniest woman on earth (seriously - my mother weighs about 75 lbs and eats nothing but junk food; life is just unfair like that), I always felt shafted that I got the "curvy" genes (and jeans, for that matter). Both my grandmothers had that hourglass figure which was so coveted in their day, but by my day, this body ideal had gone the way of the black-and-white television. I began starving myself and working out constantly to battle this genetic predisposition to softness. I wanted hard edges, sinewy muscles, and ribs and hipbones that could cut glass. Sadly, I spent the bulk of my junior high and high school years obsessing about my failure to make my body cooperate with these desires; time which could have been spent becoming more interesting or talented or intelligent.
It wasn't until I met PS that I realized weight wasn't everything. See, my husband likes to eat. He's one of those food=love types, and our early relationship centered around cooking elaborate, delicious meals together. He loved to see me eat, and would get frustrated to no end when I would make us unfashionably late to a party because every outfit I tried on made me "look too fat".
PS eventually read me the riot act, and I slowly changed my ways. As the years went by, I learned not to go into deep despair if I gained a few pounds - I'd simply cut back on sweets and increase my exercise for a bit to get back to normal. My body seemed to decide it liked being at a certain weight, anyway; even when I did a yoga informercial and got into the best shape of my life, I only went down about 2 lbs , despite losing crazy amounts of inches off every part of my body.
Emotionally, though, weight will always take its toll on me. When I'm in a "skinny" period, I feel far more confident; when I'm packing a few extra pounds (I'm talking one or two here - I have always stayed in a 5-lb range since my early twenties), I just don't feel "right".
Flash forward to now. I'm nearly 17 weeks pregnant. Thus far, I have gained between 7.5-10 lbs, depending on whose calculations you're going on (mine = 10, my doctor's = 7.5). That's a crapload of weight for a (normally) little girl. But here's the thing - it really is all in my stomach. I have a significant baby belly going on right now. And I really have not done the whole using-pregnancy-as-as-excuse-to-pig-out thing. I eat very conservatively, with the occasional splurge, but really nothing that different than pre-pregnancy. I guess my greatly reduced level of activity may have something to do with it - I stopped working out during the first trimester on advice of my doctor, and other than prenatal yoga twice a week and walking with my dog, I've been having a rough time getting back to my previous exercise regiment.
Still, I strongly believe my body knows what it's doing. If it needs to gain weight for this baby, it needs to gain weight, and that's the end of the discussion. So why do all my pregnancy books and websites make me feel like a morbidly obese monster with lackluster willpower?
Here's a quote from Your Pregnancy Week-by-Week, (sent to me gratis, courtesy of the kind folks at Blue Cross California) Week 18 chapter:
"Your total weight gain at this point should be 10 to 13 pounds ... If you have gained more than this, talk to your doctor. You may need to see a nutritionist. You still have more than half of your pregnancy ahead of you... Choose food for the nutrition it provides for you and your growing baby."
Hang on - let me get my head out of the Cheetos so I can respond. After all, I must be totally inept when it comes to eating healthfully. Never mind that I write about nutrition for a living.
I am living evidence that you can do everything right, and still gain more weight (or gain it faster) than the guidelines recommend. I understand that these "warnings" are for women who may not be educated on prenatal nutrition, but in my (purely anecdotal) experience (a.k.a., my time speaking to other pregnant girls in my Nest chat room), the women who are most effected by the warnings are those who are doing everything they can to ensure the health of their babies.
The writers of these books need to remember that there are a sickening number of women out there who struggle with eating disorders or self-esteem issues - what happens to these women when they are with child? I've heard of some studies that link insufficient (healthy) fat consumption while pregnant with autism and behavioral disorders. Yes, I know that a big study also just came out about how eating junk food negatively affects your unborn child, but that's not about weight gain, that's about the type of food you are consuming. I know plenty of skinny people who eat like crap.
Maybe the emphasis should be on good pregnancy nutrition, not on what the scale says at your biweekly visits. I know one girl - a model, no less - who gained close to 80 lbs with each of her boys, and was down to her nauseatingly scrawny pre-pregnancy weight within weeks of giving birth. And I know others still who gained the recommended 30 lbs and are still fighting to lose it. Maybe the doctors and pundits need to take a step back and realize that pregnancy weight gain is an individual thing. It depends on the woman, her body, and her pregnancy. There is no one-size-fits-all pregnancy, and I think it does a great disservice to expectant mothers to pressure them into conforming into what the medical community deems "appropriate" when it comes to weight gain.
I have been eating far less in the last two weeks, mostly because my violent hunger has died down, but also because I started getting paranoid about weight gain. Trust me, I wasn't starving my baby by any means - I would still eat when I was hungry - but I have definitely been conscious of my caloric intake. You know what? I gained more in those past two weeks than I had in any of the weeks I was just listening to my body and eating what I felt I needed. I know that doesn't scientifically prove anything, but it does prove something to me - I can't do anything about it. I'll just work extra hard to get back to fighting weight once my baby is born strong and healthy. Until then, I wish the "experts" would stop making me so crazy. I have enough to worry about without stressing because I gained two more pounds than they think I should.
As a complement to this diatribe, I submit to you my food diary for today. You let me know if this is an unreasonable amount of food for a gestating human being:
Breakfast
3 slices of Sprouted Wheat Bread (no flour, high protein, 90 cals/slice)
1 teaspoon almond butter
1 teaspoon Better n'Butter (peanut butter substitute with 70% less fat/cal/sodium)
1 teaspoon organic all-fruit spread (low sugar)
Lunch
Nothing, I wasn't hungry
Afternoon Snack
I cup non-fat organic chocolate yogurt (150 calories)
1 mango
1 tablespoon Better n'Butter for protein
Dinner
Salad - broccoli, lettuce, spinach, tomatoes, mushrooms, cucumber; grilled "soy chicken" strips (high protein, low fat); reduced-fat dressing
2 slices french bread
Evening snack
1 cup non-fat pudding
